Since 2004

My dad would have never understood 90% of the things created, invented or adopted by mass society since 2004. I was thinking about this as I did an entire interview virtually the other day (like – there was no human contact whatsoever).

So, like the Beloit College Mindset List put out every year outlining what incoming “freshmen” would know or not know by virtue of being far younger than us (or, me, anyway), I’ve decided I would create a “Since 2004…” list to share with my dad (because I’m sure he’s watching and shaking his head):

  • i-Phones (ultimately, he would have had one and attempted to play with every feature, SIRI being a favorite)
  • Apps
  • Coffee culture (though, admittedly, he would have been a HUGE fan and been some kind of gold member for every caffeine-pushing chain)
  • Facetime, Skype (technology he would have LOVED; he would have been talking to our family in upstate New York every waking hour of the day)
  • DVR (I can see the remote being smashed repeatedly in frustration)
  • Netflix
  • Camera phones
  • Series shows (LOST, The Wire)
  • TSA (traveling would have driven him to an early grave if his health issues hadn’t)
  • Series movies (he would have vomited at Twilight; we would have bickered about the merits of Harry Potter)
  • Selfies (I was an early adopter, this wouldn’t have surprised him too much)
  • Selfie Sticks
  • Hashtags (he’d hate these and never understand their true function; of course, he’d also use them liberally in attempt to drive me insane, e.g. #icantstandyourpolitics, #pleaseturnyourrapmusicoff, #imnotlisteningtoyou)
  • Google Glass (I couldn’t even begin to explain…)
  • Paying everything online (too suspicious)
  • Online banking (he would have been totally suspicious)
  • Blogging (ha)
  • GoogleMaps (or any other kind of tech-based mapping)
  • Bluetooth (he would have demanded this be available in his car)
  • XM Radio (if he had it, it would be set only to country channels)
  • Yelp
  • Reality TV, particularly shows like Honey BooBoo (he would been enraged simply at the sight of their family on screen) or RHO (any city)
  • Memes (I can say with 99% certainty my dad would have not found 99% of them as funny as I do)
  • YouTube
  • Cat/dog/animal video mania
  • Social Media, generally
    • Followers (likes, follows, etc.)
  • My personal obsession with HGTV
  • The zombie craze, anything with zombies
  • The chef/cooking/gourmet food craze (my dad’s favorite meals included meat + starch and Pepper Steak via our biweekly journey to our favorite Chinese Restaurant)
  • TMZ
  • Butt implants
  • Wikipedia (… I promise you he would have been on it every day though, very likely self-diagnosing)

There are so many things I could probably put here, but in contemplating all the things I’ve loved or had an affinity for over the last decade+, these are the ones that stick out most concretely. I imagine I would have gone slightly insane either attempting to explain things to my dad or (in the event he liked something) installing it on his phone, computer, etc.

Either way, the insanity would have been worth it. I’d give anything to FaceTime him right now.


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