Revealing

reveal part 1_summer 2015

Well, here it is. At least, the biggest “reveal” thus far. I’ve been overweight my entire life and lost weight before, but all of this is different. For the last year and a half, I have been working toward a different outcome. This time, I feel differently. This time, it feels like, “I” am different.

I am never going back.

At my heaviest, I was almost 400 pounds and even my closest friends have a hard time remembering that or contemplating that was the case; the truth is that I never would have shared that with them at the time. My dad’s illness and eventual death tugged at every possible shred of my existence for most of my 20s, and, somewhat ironically, taking care of my own health held almost no market share in my brain.

Note: I have very few pictures from that time. Pictures were a penalty then (I’ve added a few that I did recently find at my heaviest, at the end of this post). Now, they are something of a reward – and a leveling agent for my brain.

I know that several people (friends, family and beyond) have been following me on this journey. And it seemed a fitting time to “share”. The pictures in basic blue and black are me from January 2014. The pictures in neon orange and gray polka dots are from about two weeks ago. I think the colors and patterns alone are indicative of how I feel now as opposed to then (and the “then” of 2014 was still 55 lbs smaller than my heaviest). In the spirit of transparency, it took me almost two weeks to work up the ability to share these pictures broadly. There is still more “work” to be done – I know that. My arms, my stomach, the extra skin I’ve stared at more and more with every pound lost… these things don’t trump the importance of sharing my successes, but they do wave a little frantically at the periphery of my thinking. For now, I’ve had to push them away so that I can focus on walking, writing and creating a healthier and more fulfilling life for myself, period.

The before and after above represents 100-105 lbs of total weight lost since early 2014.

The most private things aren’t always meant to be illuminated, but there has been something in shedding a body that never felt like mine that has brought the reality of my finite existence into focus. Life is MEANT to be lived. In orange neon, in gray polka dots, in art and nature, in Miami and LA, in the air and on the ground, and in all the ways every soul dreams of living: free.

Love, Allison
MiamiGirlWalking

Footnote: and me – at what I believe was my heaviest…

IMG_5141

13 thoughts on “Revealing

  1. I am so proud of you! Thank you for sharing, Weegan! Your honesty is brave, and your willingness to share your journey is wonderful! You are an inspiration with so many things – your writing, your joyful personality, your insight, your walking, your professional journey, your friendship… Everything about you is wonderful! And I just LOVE the last line of this entry! Big Hug to you!!!!

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  2. AM: As I watched you growing up, one of the things I always admired about you was what I perceived to be your total lack of any body image problems. You would not wear loose, or baggy clothes like lots of “big girls” wear. Your clothes were always modern and trendy and depending on the style, could be form fitting. When I would come visit you and Debby Jo, you frolicked around from room to room in your little baby doll PJs without a hint of inhibition. (Hmmm, “frolicked,” I guess,conjures up an image of a little wood nymph with pointy ears and a flute skipping around your living room..) Perhaps a better way to put it is, you were not self conscious at all of being half naked. (Hmmm, I guess that doesn’t sound good either.) But you know what I mean. And now, reading “Miami Girl Walking,” I see what a good actress you were, and how very brave you are now. I can feel your pain from “then,” and even more so, I feel your joy in your new freedom.. You look soooo wonderful, and if it took leaving Miami to be able to go on this cathartic journey, then I guess I forgive you for leaving!! You inspire me!! Now go forth and frolic!! LOL! Love you!! KP-ster

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    1. Hello KP! It’s an interesting mix – where I’m comfortable, I’m comfortable and completely me (mini nighty and all). But, in many places I just never was. Now, it’s interesting to feel like a different person traversing the same places and experiences. This is what fuels my writing – and if sharing makes any level of difference or illuminates a feeling for anyone, then I feel completely happy. And fulfilled. I love you. ❤

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  3. You really are inspirational. Thank you for sharing your story and your journey. This blog seems to have shortened the distance between Miami and LA and has fostered a bond that started when we were kids. I really am so inspired by your commitment, your energy, your enthusiasm, and your positive aura. I read every post because I’m just so inspired. There’s no other way to describe my appreciation of you.

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    1. Hi Ang. I love you! And I love how you expressed this sentiment: “… seems to have shortened the distance between Miami and LA…” – I love it! And it makes me happy that words and sharing can do that. I hope to see you soon. ❤

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  4. You. Are. Awesome. And an inspiration to me, both as a writer and as a person who is pursuing her true, healthy self, physically, spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally. I send you energy, great adventures, and lots of interesting humans to cross your path!

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